Today is a rough day for me. Going through a divorce after 27 years of marriage. Been seperated for a year. My marriage was like the song Man to Man by Gary Allen. Angry because I allowed myself to be treated with such disrespect for so long. There was a King of the castle, no Queen, only a very obediant servant. No joking about the servant part. He would sit in the easy chair and I HAD to carry everything to him. He never ate at the table, everything was carried to him. If he wanted more water, he would make me stop whatever I was doing and get it for him. It was easier to get it for him, than to listen to gripe for half an hour. Now I'm wondering if there is someone out there like in Gary Allan's song, The One. My heart just feels numb, I really don't have any feelings left. I guess it was easier to harden my heart than to start over, that's what took me so long to finally leave, and I'm afraid that I let my heart get too numb. Has anyone out there been through this? If so, what started you on the path to thawing your heart?

Your story relates to a dear person to me. Sounds the very same in fact. She was with him for 28 years. The only thing, She doesn't want anyone else and hasn't had anyone else since. I hope that if you do, you can find a place in your heart to know that all men don't treat woman that way. I know it will be very hard to trust again. Some men do treat you like a queen but most of the time, that don't last. If it does, it's extra special. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you can find a special someone to thaw out your heart. Sorry for what you have been through. I have seen it with my own eyes and didn't like what I saw. Listen to Gary's song "Learning how to bend". Maybe that will help you to start looking at your future. ((Hugs))

babygirl's words are truly wise ...

You'd be surprised how many women relate to your situation.

You are taking the best step of all --- that is to move forward. Give yourself all the time you need to get your broken heart mended, you're alot smarter now because of your experiences over these many years.

If you decide to consider a relationship with another man you will be able to trust your wisdom. Don't be afraid that your heart is numb beyond repair -- that was just it's way of protecting you ... when/if you meet someone else who is worthy of your attention --- your heart will feel like it's going to jump right out of your chest!!

Take care of you --- hugs & prayers!!

Hugs and prayers from KY

Can't imagine being anyone's servant (maybe my dogs' I do have to pick up after them and serve their food...)

- I say Good For You! and Good Luck - I believe there must be bigger and better plans for you! My dad was pretty chauvenistic - my mom still shows no interest in another, but I sure wish she would. I think she's just happy being independent.

I feel bad for you! My daughter is going through a divorce but only after 5 years of mariage. It's hard at any point! Just hang on and things will get better! It's always darkest before the dawn! Hugs!

I am totally amazed by Gary Allans fans. I never expected to actually get any replies. I am thankful for your words of encouragement.

*hugs* to you ...hang in there. Hoping you find real happiness and love soon...it is out there.

KEEPING YOU IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS DEAR FRIEND!!!

warm hugs to you. hang in there, in time Mr. Sweetheart is out there.

Well, girl my thoughts and prayers are with you during this very difficult time. You are so smart to leave that situation though. I've been blessed in my marriage and haven't been in that situation or has anyone dear to me. I can only imagine though that you have a wonderful new life to look forward to. One that will soon lead to the respect and happiness that you deserve. It's easy to get in a rut and just go along with what makes others happy and just put your feelings aside but doesn't work for long. Hats off to you for having the strength to try it alone and I really wish you all the happiness in the world. I know you will be lonely until you find the right one, but honestly after reading your story I think I'd truly be happier alone that with someone that treats you like that. He took you for granted, girl and I think he will really regret what he's lost someday. If you ever need us we are here for ya. Take care of you!

I know exactly what you are going through. I was with a guy for only 4 years but it was the longest 4 years of my life. I finally had enough when he slapped me. I walked out and never looked back. He told me time and time again that I would never find anyone else and I believed him. But a year later I met the love of my life. He is the sweetest guy. I never thought there was anyone like that out there for me. It did take awhile to truly trust him and now we've been together for 14 years and we're getting married in August (finally!! ) So hang in there and the man you're looking for is out there. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs.

HANG IN THERE. TIME WILL HEAL. DON'T GIVE UP ON LOVE. LISTEN TO THE NEW JEWEL SONG " STONGER WOMAN"

Good Luck to you, time heals breaken hearts, even though I am still waiting after 5 years. But I still truely believe that my prince in out there around the next corner, I just haven't rounded that corner yet.
Hang in there, the best is yet to come!!

I was married to a jerk like yours for 8 years. I too just put up with it till I finally said I've had enough! Divorce is not an easy thing and unfortunately you don't stop thinking about them after the fact. Even if they were complete a___holes. Trust me, it gets easier day by day and you will kick yourself a million times for putting up with the crap for so long, but chalk it up as a learning experience. The whole thing has made me who I am today-a stronger woman. And the same will be for you. Time does heal all wounds, it just takes longer for some than for others but you WILL get through this. And when the time is right, you will find another love. Someone who will treat you with respect-because after this experience, you won't have it any other way-I assure you!! My twin sis was married for 28 years and Bam! He just left. You should talk to her. She can tell you a lot! Her board name is jerri_in_texas. Drop her a line! She's full of info! Hee! Well, I wish you luck in your new life! And remember to lean on us here on the board. It's a great support system!!!

Hugs and prayers are going your way. Hang in there and you will do just fine. You already did the first and most important thing - you left him. Good for you. He will be missing you real soon here. esp when he realizs just what and how much you did for him. I know love is deep, but come on now. that is just wrong, to treat like a slave. i mean people all over this world this happens to and i give you all the props in the world for leaving more people in this world should do that.

take care and we will be here.

Hi there --- I'm just dropping a quick message to check on you! I hope you're doing alright! Take care of you!

Hugs & Prayers from Santa Fe!

Hopefully it will get easier-Remember THE MAN's earlier song-
Better to be Gone and Not Forgotten than Forgotten and not Gone
Best wishes!
Sharon/Tulsa

I went through a divorce just two years ago. Pretty much under the same circumstances as you are going through. When we seperated I thought it was the end for me, but looking back now, I can't believe all the crap I took from my ex on a daily basis. I have learned to care about myself and the needs important to me. I'm so much happier. It's been a rough road, but there is a rainbow on the horizon. No new relationships for me as of yet, but maybe in the future. I adopted another dog and am living stress free with my two dogs and two cats. It's great to come home and know that you are loved. I'm not sure if you have pets, but they are my therapy.
I guess what I'm saying is, you will look back and know that what you experienced will never happen again , becayse you can't let it. Trust me when I say, you will learn to move on, and find happiness on your terms.
I respect you so much for reaching out. You are well on your way and you have us Gary fans to lean on.

~Barbara~

I'm doing better and better each day. My divorce will be final in May. In my State if one party doesn't want a divorce, you have to wait a year and a day. Just found that out. That's O.K., I'm almost to the end of my dark tunnel. It just feels so good to be able to go to town and not get cursed when I get home, and not having to worry if I will be home in time to have everything perfect. I am so looking forward to starting my new life. I really can tell a difference in my self-esteem. I laugh more now. I still can't imagine ever trusting my heart to another guy. My heart has been numb for so long, and I didn't even realize it until I left. Thanks for the words of encouragement.

Hugs from KY--glad to hear things are already getting better. I know there will be a lot of days when things seem so hard--I hope you know that us Junkies will always be here to give you words of encouragement when you need them. God bless.

Your words are sounding better already. So glad that you can already start to enjoy your life. I wouldn't worry about someone else at this point in time. Just take care of you. The right one will come along when it's meant to be. Thanks for the update and keep us updated on how you're doing. We are one big family here and know that you can always turn to us whether you've had a good day or bad. Hope you have many more good days in your future. ((Hugs))

Good to hear that you are doing better. It will get easier. There will be many more good days ahead.

Hello there,

I just want to pass along words of encouragement - You are strong because you have decided to do what is good for you - memories will always now be behind you! You get to choose now!

Good luck and keep strong, keep your chin up!

just wanted to let you know that we are all thinking about you and praying for you! being that i'm so young -- the only advice i can give you is the same advice that gets me through the tough times -- everything happens for a reason and God doesn't close one door without opening another (i know its unoriginal and overused) but i really do look into these words when i need them!!

i was with a guy for ten years. we never married (today i can say thank goodness for that.) he did not treat me with near the respect i should be treated. at the time, i thought that was how the guys of my generation were. the majority of his friends treated their wives and girlfriends the same way, if not worse. when we broke up, i thought my life was over. i was sure i would be alone for the rest of my life. after several months of hardly leaving my house i decided it was up to me to be happy. i started hanging out with my girlfriends more, doing whatever i wanted when ever i wanted. so what if i didnt feel like washing those dishes?! about a year after we split, i was having a bad night. so i wrote a list of things that would make me happy. (that is how i deal with things, i write.) of course the list evolved into who would be my perfect man. about two months later, i met my now husband. he is 99% of what was on that list. i quickly learned that the other 1% doesnt really matter. i am a completely different person now. i can be stupid with my husband (intentional or not) without the fear of ridicule. i met him at my worst, both mentally and physically. he accepts me as i am. and to think for all those years that i thought men like that only existed in chick flicks and nicholas sparks novels!!!

one very important thing i did learn - girls nights/weekends/even just a simple lunch are the best therapy EVER!

how exactly do you know when you aren't getting treated right?

because most people think things are fine -- except when that outside voice tells you otherwise -- was just curious

If you have to ask, then your not.....my opinion

I know this is going to sound cliche' but "When one door closes, another one opens" You took the first step in starting your life over, It sounds like you learned from your mistakes and now you are ready to go forward. Good luck & Godspeed.
Hugs,

After what I have gone through. My personal opinion would be, RESPECT! Every relationship is going to have it's ups and downs, but, when the downs start out weighing the ups, there's something wrong.
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I second that! If you're asking the question, somethings not right.

Be proud of yourself, you did what is very hard to do.
best wishes and blessings on your bright tomorrows.

Good morning. I was very excited to read your update and your post regarding respect. You certainly have earned my respect -- you are a strong, amazing woman! There are so many reasons for you to be proud of yourself .... keep the faith! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care of you cuz you are what matters most!!

Big hug coming your way from Santa Fe!

GLAD TO HEAR YOU ARE FEELING BETTER. I STRONGLY BELIEVE IN PRAYERS & FAITH TO SEE ME THROUGH THE TOUGH TIMES. BUT NOT ONLY JUST IN HARD TIMES BUT ALWAYS!!!!

MY QUOTE OF THE DAY!

WHEN BROKEN DREAMS CROSS
MY PATH, IT HELPS ME TO
KNOW THAT IT TAKES BROKEN SOIL
TO GROW A FLOWER, BROKEN CLOUDS
TO BRING RAIN, AND BROKEN
GRAIN TO MAKE BREAD.

Hi there ..... I just wanna wish you a great weekend! Hugs & prayers from Santa Fe!!

You hang in there girl! Take baby steps! Glad you are already feeling better. Soon your new-found freedom will feel so good and you will regain your sense of SELF that you won't care whether you have a man or not!!! Trust me! Prayers are with you! Now go out there and ENJOY LIFE!!! Remember the words in my signature!

Hope all is going well and you can feel the sunshine on your face. Don't rush anything you have lots of time...
sending you a smile

Totally agree!

Just wanted everyone who has had me in their prayers know that I can really feel a difference in my life since I posted my first message. I left a year ago, and never really reached out to anybody. I didn't want to burden anyone else with my problems. I just kept everything inside. Since letting out my feeling on this board and ALL OF THE AMAZING words of comfort and prayers, I feel that I have begun the healing process and LOOKING TO GOD to help me through this. THANKS TO EVERYONE OF YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

Linda

That's so sweet Linda. I know that everyone hear is glad to help. You're never a burden on us. Just know that we will always be here if you need us. May God bless you and your future. ((Hugs))

God bless you Linda .... today and every day! I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Big hug is on it's way from Santa Fe!

Update for my awsome board friends.

Doing better since I posted on this board......finally have a "set" divorce date.....May 15th.....wish me luck. Hopefully life will be easier.....at least I'll have peace in my life. Thanks for your words of encouragement.

Hang in there, once it is over and done, you can finally breathe and find yourself again!! Look down the road ahead, not behind you!!

You're still in my thoughts and prayers Linda. Here are some words of encouragement to keep you strong!!!

Today well-lived ... makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
and every tomorrow a vision of hope!

Live well dear friend! Big hug from Santa Fe.

I do wish you luck and you'll be in my prayers friend. I hope life is filled with joy after all of this is over. Just know we are all here for you. Thanks for the update and keep in touch.